Better This Time
by DeeDeePicklez
Summary: Subtlety is not Finn Hudson's strong suit. And so, Rachel realizes fairly quickly that he is trying to redo things. She knows Finn Hudson and she knows he is trying to make things right.
1. Summer Promises

Hey Guys, This will be a series of one shots about Finchel, as Finn tries to make up for, as well as re create moments between them. Please read and Review! Enjoy!

"Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. So, you can waste your life drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. "

She's restless. Every year as school comes to a close and summer begins she is restless. She lies in bed and tries to sleep late but really she's just itching to get a jump start on the day. She hates day time TV and she has nothing to study for or to prepare for Glee Club. She likes being busy, she likes having a schedule and a plan and a purpose, she likes organizing her binders and checking homework assignments off her agenda. She doesn't care if it makes her a nerd, she's restless!

She realizes this as she sits at her desk with nothing in front of her. She has completed her morning routine and is ready to take on the day but there is nothing to take on. And like always when she has nothing to distract her, she thinks of him.

Yesterday Finn kissed her in the library, yesterday Finn asked her what she was doing until graduation, but what does it all mean? She loves Finn, like really loves him and it's a secret to no one that she never really stopped but is it enough?

She not exactly sure where they are now, post-break up, post - Quinn, post superman kisses and work dates and Jesse St. James and twelfth place at nationals.

Should she be sure? It all happened so fast, some days she still thinks it's October and he'll be waiting for her at her locker and then she sees him and it's not her locker he is waiting at anymore, it's Quinn's and she finds it hard to breathe.

On especially chilly days in the spring she can almost smell the Christmas trees on the lot that night and she can feel his lips touching hers one last time and she feels her heart break in to a million tiny pieces and it's all happening all over again.

And when Kurt forces her to watch those tedious teen movies and they go to the prom she has to leave the room because she can still feel it. She can feel his eyes on her as she sings, as she dances, as she and Jesse go to get some punch, as she talks to Mercedes and even when she heads for the ladies' room with Tina. She can still feel the slight shift in her chest at the glimmer of hope his predatory gaze provided. 'He still cares!' she remembers thinking as she went to bed that night, giddy at the thought. And she hated herself for it, she was pathetic and desperate and out of her mind because he was back with whom he belonged and why couldn't she see that? And why couldn't she just let go?

See? Restless! "Ugh!" she groaned loudly as she flopped face first onto her bed. And as if he could hear her struggling, the phone rang

"Hello!" she greeted pulling her face away from her pillow

"Hey." He said in that soft voice that made her knees go weak

"Do you- do you like, wanna hang out or something maybe? Like today?" he fumbled and she could only shake her head, after all this time she thought, and he still spoke as if it was their first date

"Yes, Finn. I would love to hang out with you today."

"Awesome! So can I like come over?"

"Sure, I'll see you in about an hour?"

"Yeah, ok. I'll see you then!"

She heard the doorbell and willed herself not to rush the front door like a wild animal in heat.

"Breathe, Rachel." she said to herself in the mirror "Be cool." She scolded her reflection

She opened the door and he gave her a crooked Finn Hudson smile, and just like that, he had crashed back into her life.

"Hi." He said awkwardly standing in the door way

_Stop staring and let him walk in the front door you idiot! _

"Come in! Come in!" she said too brightly and he probably thought she was so weird and wow she was so nervous

"So…" he started, his hands awkwardly stuffed in his pockets

"So." She echoed

"This is super awkward." He finally said quickly and she let out a mixture of a breath and a laugh

"I know." She agreed "But, it doesn't have to be! Let's just… not be awkward!" she said cheerfully using her hands.

And in a bold attempt at doing just that she reached out both arms and hugged him.

_Oh my god. Worst idea ever, Rachel! Oh my god, this is so weird! _

"So yeah." He finally said as he pulled away "that….worked."

"I know I'm sorry! That made it 10 times worse! I'm sorry I just- I don't know what to do! I don't know how to act! This all feels so strange!" she cried

"Rachel, you don't have to act. Just- Just be you. And I'll be me and we'll get it back." He promised sincerely as he placed a hand on her shoulder

"Is that what you want?" she asked "to get it back?"

"Well, yeah? Don't you?" he looked hurt

"Yeah, I do. I'm just-"she hesitated and looked at him with scared eyes, he nodded his head slightly, encouraging her to go on

"I'm scared, Finn. I'm terrified! I'm so in love with you and it's scary! Because- because you hurt me so bad last time. I mean- it was me too- I mean I was why we broke up- I just mean-" he puts both hands on her shoulders as she takes a deep breath

"Finn, what I'm trying to say is that I'm really scared of getting hurt again. Like _really_ scared. Because being without you was so painful and seeing you with someone else was even worse and I really don't think- I don't think I could survive it again, Finn. I'm still not over you and I still love you but if we do this again, if I let my guard down and if I love you the way I did before and we- we broke up again I-"

"Hey" he finally interrupted with a pained expression " It's ok to be scared. I'm scared too." She eyed him skeptically "No really, I'm super scared to do this again, because you're right. It hurt _so_ badly when we broke up. And I'm so afraid to be vulnerable again with you-"

"You mean since you broke up with Quinn too?"

"No. I mean I haven't opened myself up, I haven't been vulnerable…since you."

She looked really confused.

"Rachel, I was with Quinn because I didn't have to do those things. I could just be with Quinn and be great on the surface because she never questioned it and she never wanted any more from me, because she doesn't expect any more from me because she doesn't know any better. So I didn't have to be alone and I was distracted and it was just easy. It was all superficial you know? It only went as deep as people could see, so I never really had to open myself up to being hurt again."

She was speechless. She never thought about it like that. It was like her and Jesse she realized. She was never actually going to let him back in, she thinks he was never really there in the first place.

"That- that makes sense." She finally said without looking at him "But-"

"But you're still scared." He finished for her

She nods

"I don't think that will go away for a little while. For either of us. But-" He stops and considers her for a moment

"But, I don't think I can love you the way I do. And feel the way I feel about you and not be with you. It just doesn't make any sense, Rachel. Even if it hurts, even if we fight or whatever. We just- we have to try. Even if we fail, it beats the hell out of never trying at all."

Her eyes soften and he can see the tears that threaten to fall.

"We'll just have to be better this time, Rachel. We'll talk, and we'll tell the truth, about _everything_. We'll always tell the truth, even when it's scary or embarrassing, even when it hurts. And we'll support each other no matter what."

"And we'll always be on each others' sides. Right? You'll always be on my side?" she asks anxiously

"Always."

She closes her eyes and feels it, physically and emotionally, her armor is gone. She is powerless against it and suddenly, she no longer feels any boundaries between them.

"And I'll defend you, Rachel." He continues "I know I didn't last time, I know that. But I will, I'll be better." He promises

"I'll be better too." She says as she wipes at her tears

"We'll fix it all. We'll get back everything we lost, we'll do it all again. We'll be better this time, I know it."

It was as if she could see his words in the air, she watched as they left his lips and then surrounded her like a warm blanket, she would keep them there to protect her. His promise that this time it would be different, he would be better and she would be better and that they would go back and fix everything they had messed up.


	2. Cling To Me

"There are no guarantees, but remember, even in the future, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour"

The first time she realizes it is when Santana has another Glee party.

He spends the entire evening at her house convincing her that he wants her to drink.

"As long as you don't make out with Blaine." He says, "I'm cool."

She doesn't believe him.

She doesn't think she'll ever forget the way he so swiftly rejected her at the last party. Even though he was right, she was being clingy and it was inappropriate since they were no longer together, it still hurt. She was mortified, and if she hadn't been so downright wasted, she would have dissolved into a puddle of tears right then and there.

But she decides this is the perfect opportunity to prove to Finn that she is different. That she doesn't have to fall into any of the crazy girl drunk archetypes, she's not angry, weepy or clingy. She'll just be the perfect girlfriend she always is, if only slightly inebriated.

She must have forgot how alcohol works though because that crazy week in Glee club was the only time she drank and she just _kept _drinking then, she never figured out how many drinks it took her to get buzzed, and how many to get drunk and how many to being a wasted mess.

And so she had done the first shot of the night with everyone in glee as Kurt shouted, "To Glee Club!" and they all clinked their shot glasses and cheered.

And then when Santana wanted to do a shot with her she couldn't turn it down, because you don't just say no to Santana when she's like, nice.

And of course she had to do a shot with Finn, because in a dramatic drunk revelation she realized,

"Finn! We have never drunk together before! We've done a lot of things together, but we've never done this! Let's do it! Let's do a shot!"

He agreed with a laugh, she was super adorable right now, god he loved her

"To love!" she said dreamily; everyone around them groaned

And he kissed her then, she could taste the alcohol on her tongue blend with his and suddenly she feels way more drunk.

3 shots, she decides, is what it takes to make her drunk. She also decides that is totally not a lot, especially when everyone else has been doing way more shots than her!

"It's totally unfair!" she slurs into Finn's chest

"It's because you're tiny, baby." He tries to explain

"Finn Hudson, did you just call me a tiny baby?" She squeals with an appalled hand to her chest

"No, baby." He laughs but quickly sobers when sees her expression "I mean Rachel. No Rachel, I didn't call you a tiny baby. I said you were tiny…" he takes an extra long pause "baby."

She's not convinced.

"It's why you get drunk so fast." He explains "Cause you're so small. It's very cute."

That seems to be all she needs as she looks at him with adoring eyes right before she slams her mouth on his.

As Brittany suggests they play spin the bottle just like last time, Finn is finally buzzed and Rachel is drunk enough to have very few inhibitions left, but she hasn't puked and doesn't look like she's going to so all is well.

He laughs when Kurt has to kiss Brittany, and winces when Quinn's spin almost lands on him, and thinks of many, many mailmen when Rachel has to kiss Santana. But then gets suddenly and enormously nervous when it is Rachel's turn. Sure, she can kiss Santana that's totally hot, but he realizes that Puck is also in this circle, and Sam and Mike and Artie and god, stupid Blaine and his stupid awesome tasting face.

He is about to put a stop to the game, but Rachel grabs the bottle before he can and he takes in a sharp breath and closes his eyes. This is going to suck, he decides. And he hears everyone making loud noises as they have on everybody's spins and he opens one eye and suddenly, his lips curve into a huge grin. The bottle is facing him.

Everyone groans and boos.

"Ugh! We already have to watch them make out all the time!" Tina cries

"You?" Kurt shrieks "I live with Finn! I've seen them do way more than kiss!"

But Finn doesn't care and he can tell Rachel doesn't either because she knocks him over onto his back when she lunges at him and spin the bottle is so totally awesome again.

After what Quinn calls "a sickening display" between Finn and Rachel that Kurt physically has to break apart, nobody is quite as into spin the bottle anymore, except of course for Finn and Rachel.

"I know what we should do." Puck says mischievously "Truth or dare." He suggests while wiggling his eye brows

Everyone is too drunk to realize this could be the beginning of something stupid, so they go along with it.

"Truth or Dare?" Brittany asks Puck

"Dare!"

And suddenly, Finn is covering Rachel's eyes as Puck does a naked lap around the house.

A half hour into the game and they have discovered that Tina has a secret crush on Mr. Shue, much to Mike's chagrin

That Mercedes once shared a kiss with Matt and never ever told anyone before this, ever.

Brittany has licked various items off of various people's stomachs

And Kurt and Artie have swapped clothes

Now, it's Santana's turn. And Finn can feel it. For some reason he can just tell, he knows she is going to ask Rachel truth or dare, he knows Rachel will say truth and he knows she is going to ask something extremely embarrassing for one of them, both if Santana's feeling extra bitchy which, let's be honest she usually is.

He's right, she does and he sighs and tries to give her a pleading look just after Rachel says truth.

_ Please Santana, if you have any humanity at all, spare me a drunken Rachel Berry freak out!_ He thinks and tries to get his eyes to say the same thing

Rachel waits for her question as Santana eyes her carefully

"Ok, Berry. Truth…Have you ever given a blow job?"

Everyone gasps and giggles and Finn holds in a huge breath, this is not good.

Rachel is not a fan of locker room talk. Once in the hallway, she heard Puck tell Sam that he got to third base with some bimbo cheerleader. She had immediately found Finn and very sternly told him that he was never to discuss their sex life with anyone but her and if he did, there would never be anything to talk about again.

"Noah Puckerman is a misogynistic pig, who clearly does not care about the girls he has relations with, let alone their reputations. Any boy, who has to tell his buddies about a very private aspect of his life to validate it, is a boy I want nothing to do with. Do you hear me Finn Hudson?"

He heard her. Loud and clear. Tell his friends about their sex life, no more super awesome Rachel Berry sex. It wasn't a difficult equation to solve, even for him.

And so now, sitting with all their Glee Club friends, his very private girlfriend was being asked to… well- to be a misogynistic pig.

He winced as she took a breath and was already preparing a speech in his head to calm her down.

"I'll have you know, Santana! I am _excellent_ at fellatio!"

He doesn't think he's ever seen the entire glee club speechless all at once, much less making the same exact expression. He thinks he's wearing it too, eyes wide and mouth agape. And if that wasn't enough, she continues,

"Ask Finn!" she exclaims as she turns to look at him, nudging him on the shoulder "Right Finn? Aren't I awesome at fellatio?"

Everyone turns to look at him with amused eyes and he would pay a million dollars if he could just disappear right now.

"uhh – I- uh" he doesn't know what to say, Rachel _is_ awesome at fellay- whatever but no one else needs to know that! And if Rachel were sober right now she'd totally kill him and then herself if he revealed any intimate details about their personal lives

"I don't-"

"Finn!" She exclaims. Is she really angry with him for trying to _hide_ their sex life now?

"Finn! You tell them the truth! Tell them I give wonderful blow jobs!"

Everyone is chuckling now, because only Rachel Berry would describe her blow jobs as wonderful.

"uhh y- yeah. Yes. Rachel gives …"

"Wonderfullll" she drunkenly coaxes

"- wonderful blow jobs." He finally finishes quickly and painfully

She seems satisfied as she raises her eyebrows as if to say "see?" to Santana.

The circle begins to chatter about something or other and he turns to see that Mike and Artie are still staring at him with knowing eyes

He knows what they're asking, "Is Rachel really good or are you just saying it cause she told you to?"

"Dude," he finally says quietly "She has like, no gag reflex."

They both close their eyes and nod.

He thinks she'll forgive him just this once.

…

The games have ended, at least for right now and everyone has dispersed to different parts of Santana's basement.

Brittany and Santana are lazily drinking on the couch.

Puck and Sam are playing darts.

Mercedes and Artie have both passed out.

Mike and Tina are somewhere making out, he just knows it.

He spots her sitting on the ground, a red cup in her hand and she is swaying the slightest bit, and he laughs to himself because she's so drunk.

But as he begins to get closer he realizes she's swaying _to_ something. Kurt and Blaine are a couple feet away, Blaine is laying on the floor with Kurt's head on his stomach and they are softly singing a duet he doesn't recognize.

They don't know they have an audience, but Rachel is clearly content, with her eyes closed and a small smile playing on her lips, even though she's so drunk, and an hour ago she was bragging about going down on him, he decides she looks… peaceful. Completely and totally at peace.

He has these moments sometimes and it's really hard to put into words because well, words are hard for him but, sometimes he'll just feel it. In a quiet moment like this or a big loud one on stage, when she's panting his name underneath him, or when their shoulders are just touching at his mother's dinner table, he can feel himself fall even more in love than he was before.

And he doesn't even think it's possible to love her more than he already does but he can feel it, like a shift in the universe or something. Something changes, she stares at him in a certain way or she finds peace in the corner of a drunken house party and he falls a little harder.

He approaches her slowly, drunk on tequila and love. He touches her shoulder gently and she beams up at him. He takes her hand and helps her get up.

"Dance with me." He says softly

She smiles at his sweetness and suddenly she is overwhelmed with the feeling of déjà vu. She's too drunk to know why, but it all feels strangely familiar.

She feels something in her heart, but she's not sure if it's pain or happiness, and she's so drunk and she doesn't know why but she thinks this strange mix of delight and aching somewhere deep inside may just be her heart mending.

He takes her hands from around his waist and places them around his neck

"Cling to me." He whispers "I want you to."


	3. Seeing Red

Chapter 3: Seeing Red

They are having a comfortable conversation by his locker when he notices it.

She going on about some bickering match she had with Kurt about some Broadway show he can't remember the name of and he's really trying to listen but he is distracted.

There is something red on her ear and he's worried because he thinks its blood but he wants to be sure before he freaks her out.

He gently pushes her hair back behind her ear and she smiles, he feels bad because he totally has ulterior motives but whatever

He squints his eyes and realizes it's not blood, its red dye.

"Rachel" he starts slowly, interrupting her rant

She looks at him expectantly in a way that says, you better have a good reason for interjecting when I'm talking about Broadway (she's totally said that to him before).

"You missed a spot." He says casually, gently pinching the spot on her ear

"I did? Ugh, they put those mirrors in the bathroom so-"She trails off as she realizes what he did

He looks at her knowingly

"Ok, I know you said to tell you if someone slushies me or bothers me, but honestly Finn it's not _that_ big of a deal. I'm used to it by now and it's definitely not worth you getting in trouble for."

"That's the point Rachel! You shouldn't be used it. It's painful, it's embarrassing and it's just cruel! Especially to a girl!"

His face is all red, and she knows he is really angry at whoever did this and probably at her a little for not telling him when she promised she would. But he's just so cute and perfect and all hers. Her face gets that dreamy look reserved only for thoughts of Finn Hudson, but he is too angry to notice

"Who?" he asks

"Finn, I really don't think-"

"Who was it Rachel?" he says with a force she's never heard from him before

Ok, now she really doesn't want to tell him

"Finn," she spoke softly as she placed a hopefully calming hand on his chest "Listen, I really appreciate you wanting to defend me, it is very chivalrous and brave but, you cannot confront someone when you are this angry. I won't let you. You know things in this school always somehow end up leaning in favor of the bully and you're not going to get in trouble for me or anyone else."

"Rachel I get all that, and I promise you I'm not going to do anything stupid. I won't get hurt and I won't get in trouble, but I need to put a stop to this once and for all. It's not okay and I should've fixed it a long time ago. You need to let me now."

She is concerned, he can see that, but he can't bring himself to care, not when there is someone in this school who thinks it is ok to humiliate and abuse the girl he loves.

"Who was it Rachel?" he asks her one last time

"It was Azimio." She finally admits with her head down

"Ok." He finally says. He puts his hand on her cheek and forces her to look up at him "Thank you for telling me."

And he speaks with such tenderness that she can't believe she's speaking to the same boy from two minutes ago.

In moments like this, when she can see how much he really loves her she just wants to wrap herself in that feeling and live in it forever.

She thinks he may just love her enough to let her do just that

"I love you." He says as he kisses her forehead "I'll see you in glee."

"Love you too." She says to his now retreating form. And she does, but she's worried, and scared, and flattered and grateful and nervous and she really needs to learn how to get all the slushie off herself before she meets her boyfriend at his locker!

…

They are in the locker room after gym class and everyone is sweaty and smelly and he finally sees him. And he's ready to punch him square in the face, but he thinks of Rachel and takes a deep breath.

"Hey!" he shouts over the locker room chatter and all the boys turn to look at him as he quickly and aggressively approaches Azimio.

Okay maybe he should've taken a deeper breath.

"What's up lady?" Azimio taunts as he whips Finn with his towel

"I need you to stay the hell away from my girlfriend! Got that?"

"Who? Berry?" he mocks "Look, I'm not the one that came up with the pecking order at this school, I just enforce it."

"Look, I don't care about who you think is a loser and who isn't. Just stay the fuck away from Rachel." He speaks slowly and he tries to be a scary as Puck used to be before glee club

"Damn, Hudson! That _bitch_ must be hiding something real nice under all those skirts for you to step to me like that, you better watch yourself."

Before he even knows what is happening he's on top of Azimio and he can't even see straight he's so angry. But his fists are making contact with something, so he guesses he's doing something right.

He feels two arms around him and he is about to punch whoever that is too, but he finally starts to hear something over the sound of the blood rushing through his ears.

"Dude! Chill!" he hears vaguely and he registers Puck's voice "Finn! Enough!" He hears more clearly

He takes a breath and feels himself return to the land of the living, he forcefully shakes Puck off of him and takes a step towards Azimio who is now slowly and painfully returning to his feet.

Finn grabs his shirt with both hands and doesn't even need to channel scary Puck for this last part,

"You don't go near her, you hear me? You don't talk to her, you don't touch her; don't even look in her direction. Got it?" he pushes, shaking him with his fists still firmly latched onto Azimio's shirt

He finally lets go and starts to walk away but, turns around slowly

"You better watch yourself." He echoes Azimio's own words with an eerie calmness "Bitch."

….

She's waiting for him outside the locker room, because she knows his schedule, and she knows when he'll see Azimio, and she knows _him_.

She's wringing her hands she's so nervous and she almost wants to run. She knows Finn is strong but, she also knows Azimio is like, huge and she thinks that if Finn comes out of the locker room beaten and bloody, she might erupt into a fit of sobbing, or maybe faint, or vomit, maybe even all three.

And suddenly he's standing next to her and for the first time in all the time she has spent with Finn Hudson, she can't read his expression.

He looks kind of dazed, and she can see hints of anger, like his red ears and his tight jaw, but he also looks kind of…happy? No, not happy she decides, not exactly. Satisfied? Pleased? Proud? She can't be sure, but he's not bloody and beaten and that's all that really matters right now, until she sees his hands

"Finn!" she exclaims in a very dramatic Rachel Berry fashion

She reaches her hands under his and lifts them as though they are on display; fragile and delicate and important.

"Oh, Finn" she cries "What did you do?"

"It's ok." He soothes wishing he could rub her cheek or put his hand in her hair, but that would totally be disgusting right now, cause his hands are kind of swollen and cut and they're bleeding in some spots.

"No it's not, you're hurt! This is why I didn't want to tell you Finn!"

"Rach, seriously it's not that bad. The bloody hands are totally worth it!" he says with a smile and he looks so happy with himself

"No, Finn it's not fine! Two hours ago you promised me you wouldn't get hurt and you promised you wouldn't do anything _stupid_! And god! You're not even sorry! If this is what your hands look like then I can only imagine how Azimio's face looks, and you don't even have any remorse!"

He looks at her with furrowed eye brows and shakes his head in disbelief

"Remorse? For _him_?"

"Yes, Finn! Look, I know he's a bully and he's terrible and mean, but you're not! I always thought you were better than this barbaric, clichéd, jock behavior. But you hurt someone and you don't even seem to care! I feel like I don't even know you!"

Her expression is pained and teary as she takes one last glance at him before walking away.

…

It's finally time for glee and it's the first time in months she does not take the seat next to him, she stares at his bandaged hands from across the room and wants to cry, wants to leave, but mostly she just wants Finn to be the boy she knows, the boy she loves.

"Finn, what happened to your hands?" Mr. Shue asks, noticing as soon as he walks in

"Well-" Finn starts hesitantly, unsure if he should really tell a teacher what happened, it's really a miracle he hasn't been called down to the principal's office yet

"Hudson finally gave that punk Azimio what was coming to him!" Puck shouted for him

"It was so awesome, Mr. Shue." Artie added shaking his head

Everyone started to chatter excitedly and oh and ah and Finn felt his chest puff out a little with pride, it _was_ awesome he thought. Rachel was totally over reacting

"Whoa, whoa. Easy everyone." Mr. Shue shushed them "Finn, you know I don't condone violence. This is not something to be excited about, guys."

"I agree!" Rachel yelled as she rose to her feet

"Berry, what do you have to be upset about? My boy was defending your honor!" Puck questioned

"I'm upset because you are all happy that Finn beat someone up! You're all always going on about how horrible bullying is, how humiliating and painful; but it's okay when Finn does it? When he punches someone hard enough his hands bleed?"

She pauses to collect herself, sure that no one will take her seriously if she starts to cry

"We're better than that! All of us! We shouldn't be getting slushied and we shouldn't be getting harassed but, we're above it all! The violence and the humiliation and the pay back, we're better!"

She turns to take a step towards Finn and continues softly

"The boy I love is better than that."

And with that she leaves the choir room.

"Damn it."

…

"Rachel, wait!" he calls after her in the empty hallway

She stops and takes a deep breath, but doesn't turn to face him

"I'm sorry, okay?" he says softly

"I really didn't plan to hit him, Rach. I was just gonna go talk to him, tell him to leave you alone once and for all but-" he hesitates

"But what?" she encourages, finally turning around

"But then he just- he said… he said- stuff about you and something just took over. I shouldn't have hit him, you're right, but the fact that he thought he could say what he said about you just made me realize how long I've let this crap slide and I just got so angry at him and at myself too."

"I'm not proud of the person I used to be; too afraid to stand up for what I thought was right, but I'm trying to be better." He explains earnestly as he touches her shoulder

"I shouldn't have hit him, even though he deserved it...But if you want me to apologize for defending you, or for fighting back when someone hurts you then I can't do that, I won't do that. I'm not gonna be that guy anymore, a guy that just stands by and watches as the world hurts you."

"Can you understand that?" he asks desperately

"Yes." She finally says

She hates that she had to see a part of him that was nothing like the sweet and gentle one she knew but, if he loved her enough to try and be better, then she loved him enough to support every part of him as he tried.

And it's then that she realizes that maybe there are still parts of Finn Hudson she doesn't know. She's both terrified and exhilarated by the thought.

"I love you, every version of you." She whispers as she places gentle kisses on his bandaged hands

…

Six months later, they have just graduated and she feels drunk with happiness. She looks up at him, tall and delighted in a sea of falling caps and suddenly the flash of a red tassel catches her eye and the memory rushes back to her

Of angry tears, and bandaged hands, of red slushies and her gallant boy protecting her from the world and abruptly it hits her, that's the last time she was ever slushied.

He fixed it, he made it right.

"I love you, every version of you." She whispers is his ear just before their lips collide

Finn's speech at the end was inspired by Nathan's in One Tree Hill… hope you enjoyed! Review!

PS. If you have any ideas or requests for this story, feel free to let me know : )


	4. Last Christmas

Chapter 4: Last Christmas

Please Read, Review and enjoy!

She is giddy when he asks her to come over because he has somewhere he wants to take her. Because as far as she can tell, these days, giddy is all she can seem to feel.

It's the holiday season, which never fails to put her in a good mood. She celebrates Chanukah with her father's each night, Finn even comes by on the fourth night and she shows him how to light the candles. She happily sings Christmas songs with the glee club and has kissed her boyfriend under the mistletoe more times then she can count.

Yep life was good, life was giddy.

She knocked on his door and smiled slyly when he answered.

"Hi." She said blissfully right before she produced a sprig of mistletoe, from who knows where and tried to hold it over their heads. This proved a much more trying task than she originally thought, he was freakishly tall and she was freakishly small and she reached as high as she could struggling on her tippy toes while letting out little frustrated grunts as she struggled.

He let out a hearty laugh at her determination and then grabbed the mistletoe from her tiny, gloved hands

"Here" He said as he easily held it above their heads

"No fair." She pouted as he wrapped his arms around her "I was trying to be cute and spontaneous!"

"Yeah, that totally wasn't cute at all." He teased with a scrunched nose

She sighed, a defeated smile playing at her lips.

Her cheeks tingled when his warm hands captured her freezing face from both sides.

"Hi." He whispered sweetly and seized her lips with his own

Her lips quickly parted, delighted to have his warm tongue stroke her own. She could no longer remember the temperature outside or even why she was there at all, when she felt his hot breath on her neck, sucking and nipping at her goose bumped flesh. She let out a soft moan and watched as her breath turned to smoke in the air. She could feel the icy wind hit the wet spots on her neck as he moved back to her mouth and she shivered in response.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry Rachel!" he yelled as he held her tighter "It's freezing out here! Come in, come in!"

She giggled at his over-protective shrieking and started to walk in when she noticed the mistletoe on the ground, tossed aside and forgotten in their haste.

"Wait" she called to him as she bent down to grab it "Were gonna need this again later." She said with a playful wink and a cheeky grin

…

"Why won't you tell me where we're going?" She whined for the fifth time since they had gotten into his truck "You know I hate surprises!"

"Oh please! You love surprises! More than anyone." He argued

"Okay, you're right I do love surprises." She conceded "But this time I just really want to know! Please Finn! Pleeeeaseeee" She begged as she put her chin on his shoulder and fluttered her eyelashes dramatically

He put his forehead against hers and gave her his best; I'm so in love with you, Rachel Berry gaze. She sighed contentedly in response, satisfied she had gotten her way.

"No." he said quickly as the light turned green and his focus turned back to the road

"Finn!" She cried

"Baby, relax. You'll know soon enough." He soothed with a slight laugh

She figures out where they're going about two minutes before they arrive and gets an immediate feeling of dread building in her stomach.

She feels like crying as she sees the Christmas trees in the distance and she cannot believe he doesn't remember what happened here and she would punch him right now if he wasn't driving.

He can feel the tension radiating off of her as he puts the car in park and suddenly this doesn't seem like the great idea he originally thought it was.

"Rach-" he starts

"Finn, you cannot be serious." She interrupts with her hand in the air "This place? This is your fun surprise? Do you not remember what happened the last time we were here?"

"I do but-"

"Maybe it didn't matter to you, Finn. Maybe you just brushed it off and went home that night but I was devastated!" She cried

"It did matter to me!" he finally yelled making her freeze entirely

"It did matter." He continued in a softer voice "I was sitting in this stupid parking lot for like an hour before I finally pulled myself together enough to drive home. I know it's not like…a good place for us. But I want to make it one."

"That's sweet, Finn. But we have enough good places, this place - this place will always be the place you broke up with me. This place will always be a bad place." She sighed

"So can we please just go back to your house and forget this place even exists?"

"No." he says firmly

"But-"

"No, Rachel. I promised my mom we'd get a Christmas tree for the house and we are.

He gets out of the car and walks around to her side and opens the door. She turns to face him so that he is standing between her legs, one hand on each of her thighs.

"Just because this place was bad for us once, doesn't mean it's going to be forever. We haven't always had great moments in the choir room, or the auditorium, the hallways, your bedroom, the-

"Ok, ok I get it Finn!"

"But…" he continues "We made up for the bad stuff with good stuff. Especially in your bedroom, I mean some really good stuff and that one time in the choir room-"

She silences him with a hand over his mouth and a slight grin.

"Ok. You really are strange you know that?" she quips

And as if to prove her point, he licks the hand covering his mouth.

She shrieks in mock disgust, deliberately wiping her hand over his jacket

"You love it." He retorts just before he lifts her out of the car

….

As they begin to walk through the tree lot she can't shake the feeling of misery that comes with all thoughts of this place, especially now that she's here.

She tries to make herself look busy, unsure of what she is actually looking for in a great Christmas tree.

He catches her off guard when he wraps his arms around her from behind

"It's cuddle weather." He says in an amused whisper and he kisses her quickly on the cheek

"Ugh." She breathes out as she shrugs from his grasp to turn to look at him

"Please do not remind me. I was so pathetic that night. I mean really, cuddle weather? What does that even mean? And oh god! I just remembered that tree air freshener! You really must have thought I was a psychopath, seriously who does that?"

He gave a smirk that she could've sworn said, _you are totally a psycho, but I love you anyway_.

And he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of plastic with a little tree inside.

A Christmas tree air freshener.

He lifted it up to her, and gave her a satisfied smile

"I'll tell you who does that. The kind of person I love. And," he continued as he grabbed her hips and brought her closer "The kind of person you love."

It was in moments like these when she was truly terrified of the love between them. She loved him with such abandon, such terrifying passion, that she found herself fearing the worst. Because what they had was so good, was so _right, _it only made sense that something could go wrong.

She sometimes imagined it was possible to unpick the entire thing: to go back to a simpler time when she hadn't had the slightest clue what love was. Because if none of it had happened, then she wouldn't be standing here now, trembling beneath his hands terrified that at any moment their perfectly reciprocal love might careen more in her direction. [1]

And as if he could see her thoughts, playing in front of his eyes,

"I love you." He told her "You know that right? I mean, I know you know, but like you know how much I love you right?"

She closed her eyes.

"I mean, is it supposed to be like this?" He suddenly asked, a desperate look in his eye

"Is it supposed to be this, like…intense? It's like…" he waved his hands in the air and shook his head, desperately searching for the right words "- it's like a rush every time I look at you. How can it be such a big deal to just _see_ you? How can one person feel so much about someone else?"

"I don't think it's normal." She finally decided after a long pause "This significance in every syllable, the overwhelming power of a single look between us, I really don't think it's normal."

He looks disappointed and she quickly clarifies

"But I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it's not normal because it's so _rare_. To find a person that so perfectly balances you. We're lucky Finn."

He nods in agreement, but doesn't need to respond with words. He doesn't even need to kiss her to imprint the memory.

She would never forget this moment of unending clarity. The moment they had realized they were so not normal, and they were so lucky to be so not normal. This moment when their love was so absolute and equal, it was enough to drive her to tears.

And just like that, it hit her. This was no longer a bad place. This would forever be the place where he said something sweet to calm her nerves, and held her hips to prove a point and told her he loved her more than he thought made sense.

"I'm gonna look down this row of Frasier furs, maybe you could check out the Douglas's and I'll meet you at the end?"

He said with a wink and a signature smirk

"Ok." She whispered, unable to hide her giddiness

And this time, she knew without a doubt, he would be waiting for her, wanting her and loving her amid the intoxicating smell of Christmas trees.


	5. The Ghost of Valentine's Past

A/N- Here is Valentine's Day! I had to split it up into two chapters, since I combined a couple of different themes into this idea. This chapter focuses a little more on Rachel's perspective, and the next will focus more on Finn's. Hope you enjoy, and please let me know if you do!

Chapter 5: The Ghost of Valentine's Past

They are having dinner at his house when it all comes flying back to her.

Her, Kurt and Carole are having a casual conversation while Finn, Blaine and Burt discuss football.

"So what are you all up to for Valentine's day this year?" Carole asked brightly, catching the attention of the whole table

"Well Blaine and I are going to the local theatre's production of West Side Story. We're going to critique their performances against our own!" he says happily "Don't worry Rachel, We'll be extra ruthless while analyzing their Maria." He promises

"Thank you Kurt!" She replies with a laugh "It's always important to be aware of your competition."

"What about you guys?" Burt questions looking back and forth between Finn and Rachel

"Well" Rachel begins slowly "Finn, seems to be a fan of secrets lately, because he won't tell me!"

"That or he forgot to plan something and he's stalling." Kurt teases

Rachel lets out a gasp and turns quickly to Finn with a critical glance

"Hey! Would you guys give me a little credit, I may be stupid but I'm not dumb enough to forget Valentine's day!"

"You are not stupid." She says quietly while rubbing his shoulder "I'm sure what you have planned will be wonderful."

"As long as there is no kissing booth this year!" Carole jokes heartily "It took you a whole week to get over that mono!"

Burt lets out a laugh and all the kids give tight awkward smiles.

Kurt quickly changes the subject and Finn is so grateful, but he can see Rachel's posture change. She's no longer glowing in the familial warmth of eating dinner with his family, she's uncomfortable and tense and trying to pretend she's not

The second Carole mentions the words kissing booth, her breath catches in her throat, and not in a good way. She immediately sees Quinn, and the worst Valentine's Day ever, and dollar bills, and fireworks and cold compresses and her own booth at Breadsticks and suddenly she has to fight back the urge to run away and cry because she so cannot do this anymore. Last year is last year, and all their mistakes are in the past and they're better now.

_Pull it together, Rachel. _She mentally berates.

They are up in his room a little while later and she practically tackles him onto the bed. She's little, but she can totally be really strong when she wants to be.

And he wants to talk to her, wants to tell her he's sorry about last year, that he never loved Quinn like he loved her and oh god she straddling him and taking off her shirt and wait, what was he thinking about?

Her hot breath grazes his ear, "I want you so bad." She whispers hoarsely

He moans out in response and presses both his palms to her breasts, finding her mouth with his own and kissing her hotly. Their mouths are sloppy and eager, and he can barely catch his breath.

He opens his eyes and he is met with her frenzied ones, she looks determined and dazed and god, so beautiful and how is it possible to love someone this much?

"Rach." He says breathlessly as she continues to suck on any surface of skin she can reach

She makes a muffled sound in response, her tongue descending against his chest as she starts to remove his shirt one button at a time, following each ministration with open mouthed kisses.

"uhh" he sighs out in pleasure "R- Rachel." He chokes out again, trying to clear his clouded brain

She smiles at his helplessness and reaches for his belt buckle, biting her lip in anticipation

He shakes his head vigorously, literally trying to agitate all stimulating Rachel thoughts out of his head.

"Rachel!" he finally says forcefully, grabbing her hands with his

She recoils from him instantly; he can see the confusion and embarrassment in her eyes

He takes in deep breath closing his eyes tightly and lets out a loud whoosh of frustration

"Wh- what's wrong?" she finally asks, her voice small

"Nothing" he says sweetly, concern evident on his face, "Nothing's wrong, you're- you're perfect. I just think we should talk. You know… about what my mom said. I saw you get upset at dinner. And then we came up here- you're trying to distract me right? That's what this is?"

"No." she says quickly looking away from his skeptical gaze

"I'm trying to distract me." She admits quietly, looking up at him self-conscious and unsure, she crosses her arms over her chest, suddenly very aware she is in just her bra.

"Here" He says quietly, passing her shirt over

She smiled at his sweetness, and silently cursed it at the same time. He was making this so much harder, simply by being the charming and thoughtful boy she loved. Loving him so much made it so hard to feel normal emotions sometimes.

How could she feel bitterness about a terrible Valentine's Day without him, when he was sitting here now, wanting to talk instead of have sex.

How could she be angry with him for getting oil stains on her new dress, when he stood sheepishly before her, apologizing profusely in his cover-alls?

How could she ever resent anything he had ever done when he looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world?

But she did.

She would always think of that Valentine's Day and feel a little inadequate. Feel rejected and forgotten and like she was second best.

She cried frustrated tears over the sink that night as she tried, without success, to scrub the stains from the dress her father's had gotten for her birthday, even after she kissed him fiercely in the tire shop and told him it was no big deal.

And sometimes, when she tried really, really hard she could even hate him a little for fake bowling dates and for sleeping with Santana, and for "I'll never break up with you either" and for choosing Quinn.

It was just so_ hard._ To love someone too much to see their flaws.

He made it hard. Because he was so good to her, and he wanted to fix all his mistakes and she hated that she could still look back on parts of their history and feel sad, because their present, their here and now, was just _so_ _good_.

"Look, I know this is weird for you. It's weird for me too-"

"No, it's not weird for me." She said shaking her head "It's not _weird,_ I know everything about you and Quinn because you've been so open and honest with me and I – I really appreciate it. I swear I do-"

"Rachel, it's ok." He said quietly reaching for her face

"No it's not!" she said quickly as she stood up "It's not ok, Finn. I cannot keep doing this! We're happy and we're in a good place and all I can do is think about the past!

He opened his mouth but no words came out. The truth was, he didn't really know what to say. He could tell her how much he loved her; he could apologize for things he had already said sorry for, but he couldn't make her forget they had happened; he couldn't take them back no matter how much he wished he could.

"Hey, look at me." She instructed as she noticed him lost in thought, a defeated look on his face "It's ok, Finn. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm just- I'm just being dramatic."

She forced out a small grin, "You know it's hard for me to control sometimes." She added with a vacant laugh

He responded with a sad smile, wishing like so many times before that he knew the words to match the emotions he felt, to express the thoughts he didn't even know how to make sense of.

"I'm just gonna go home, ok?" She found her purse and put on her sweater. "Hey," she whispered as she took his face in both her hands sweetly. "We're okay. I'm not mad." She promised and kissed him softly.

"I love you." He swore looking at up at her, standing above him

"I love you too." She said in his ear and placed a kiss right below onto his neck as if to seal her words

"I'll see you tomorrow." She says over her shoulder as she leaves

….

The days that had passed since that night at his house had been weird; it wasn't that they were fighting, they were just stuck in this quiet and cautious impasse, neither wanting to do anything to jostle there unsettled issue into a full-blown fight.

He almost wished they were in an actual fight, at least then he could really talk to her. As of now all that passed between them were shy hello's, uncomfortable cheek kisses goodbye and tentative 'I love you's'

Their well practiced routine kept them from avoiding each other completely, he still waited for her outside of History class, and held her books as they walked through the halls, she still brought an extra snack with her to lunch and handed it to him with a smile,

"Chips." She would say merrily, "Barbeque, your favorite." She added with a smile that he almost believed

"A muffin." She chirped "chocolate chip." She explained without looking at him

"Yogurt." She revealed on Wednesday "Strawberry." She clarifies, smiling dutifully when he says thank you

She still sat loyally sat by his side in Glee Club and came over for dinner when his mother asked for her specifically. But she never stayed afterwards; he never tried to convince her to come upstairs with him "Just for a minute" he would always say with a smirk that always melted her resolve. "Just a minute." She would echo with a dizzy smile.

It was never just a minute, and it never mattered.

He had always suspected that of all his past mistakes, this one had been his dumbest. The worst he had made her feel, the one he wished he could erase from her memory the most.

He didn't even care about stupid fireworks, and he wanted to fix it, but he just didn't know how. He didn't know how to tell her how she made him feel and it just wasn't fair.

And he felt it acutely, always, in the back of his mind. This constant frustration, this sense that no matter how much progress he made, people would always accuse him of being the person he had left behind.

But, it was time. Even if this was the worst mistake, even if he failed miserably, even if she would never look at him the same again, he had to try, he had to fix this.

…..

"Happy Valentine's Dayyyyy!" she heard her father croon, waking her from her deep sleep

"Ughhh" she groaned and attempted to pull the covers over her head

"Uh uh." Her father ordered, holding her comforter in place

"Sweetie, what is going on with you? You love holidays, nothing makes you happier than dressing to theme." He joked with a proud smile

"You've had your outfit picked out for weeks, you have Finn. What could you possibly be moping about?" he asked, his eyebrows wrinkled with concern

"Daddy do you remember when I was eleven and you and dad had that huge fight? He left the house for two days and when he came back I asked if everything was okay. You both said yes, but he slept in the guest room for two weeks. Every time I asked you guys why you just said it was nothing and-"

"Honey." Her father interrupted solemnly "I'd rather not discuss that particular dispute with you, on Valentine's Day, or any other day for that matter."

"No it's just- how do you get past it?" She questioned with her forehead creased in uncertainty

"You mean how do you forgive someone? Did Finn do something?" he inquired worriedly

"No - I mean not really." She said as though it was a question, she squinted her eyes in confusion "I'm not asking how you forgive someone; I'm asking how you move on? I'm asking if you can ever really leave anything in the past."

"I'm not sure I understand. If you haven't moved on, then you haven't truly forgiven the person." He said as he cleaned his glasses on his shirt pensively.

"See I don't think so." She said, shifting her position on the bed to get closer to her father "To forgive someone, is to excuse them, to no longer blame them for something that made you angry or sad or betrayed or whatever. But-" She paused for a moment shaking her head slightly and focusing on the floor

"The thing is- I forgive him, daddy. I don't blame him for things in the past, and I don't pretend to think that I haven't mistakes equally as bad, sometimes worse. But I still can't forget them, you know? They're still there and I feel like- like the bad stuff it doesn't ever go away and I'm afraid, dad. I'm afraid if I can't leave them behind that they'll somehow poison the good memories. Does that make any sense?" She asked desperately

"Yes." He said simply before turning to look at her. Suddenly wondering when his baby girl had turned into an adult with her own insight and critical awareness of the world around her.

"It makes sense. It makes all the sense in the world. But, Rachel, my love" he started softly as he grabbed both her hands in his own "Barring a lobotomy, you'll never get rid of those memories. They're a part of you just the same as the good ones are."

She looked disappointed at this, albeit expected; she had wished that somehow her father could come up with a solution. She looked up at him as he continued.

"And I don't think you should spend your time wishing those memories away. Don't you see how they make the good moments that much better? The memory of something that may have broken you but didn't, the realization that you survived it and now, are living in a moment that much more enchanting, simply by having made it there."

"Rachel, you have to stop thinking of them as 'bad' memories, somehow cancerous to all your wonderful ones, and start thinking of them as the experiences that make you who you are."

She nodded in understanding, wiping her eyes at a tear that had yet to fall.

"I won't tell you that you'll forget it, Rachel, whatever it is. Just like I won't ever forget the awful fight your father and I had when you were eleven. But I will tell you it is possible to truly move on, to recall your past with affection and gratitude for all the things it taught you. And all the memories it has made that much sweeter since."

"Thank you, daddy." She finally whispers through her tears

"You're welcome darling." He smiles and squeezes her knee affectionately "Now are you going to tell me what Finn did?"

"Are you going to tell me what dad did?" she teases nudging his shoulder with her own

He lets out a hearty laugh as his hands press on his thighs and he gets up with a grunt

"Touché, my darling daughter." He quips pointing a finger at her "I guess we'll both just have to keep those memories for ourselves." He says with a wink, he kisses her hair sweetly and leaves her to get ready

"I'll just keep it as a memory." She repeats to herself quietly, nodding to herself with growing certainty

And in an instant, she feels a sudden jolt of enthusiasm at the thought of moving forward, at the thought of new memories and at the thought of Finn Hudson.

And it is with a Rachel Berry eagerness that she moves to get her Valentine's Day started.


	6. The Lexicon of Love

A/N- Just a warning, the end of this chapter is sugary sweet fluff, just like a lot of this story. It is the Valentine's Day chapter so I went heavy on the romance, but I also just love happy Finchel! So enjoy and review to tell me what you think!

Chapter 6: The Lexicon of Love

He had been looking through this stupid prop closet for forever and was getting nowhere.

Other than a few laughs at their old Rocky Horror costumes and an audible groan at a bag of ratty old wigs he quickly tossed to the side, he was mostly just frustrated at not being able to find what he was looking for.

This was only phase one of his plan and it was already not going well. God, why couldn't he just find that damn booth!

He kicked a random box in frustration and a loud thud echoed through the crowded closet, and all the way out to the stage behind him

"Hello?" he heard Mr. Schuester's voice greet tentatively

He poked his head out of the closet, cheeks red with embarrassment and frustration, "Hey, Mr. Schue, it's just me. Sorry about the noise." He said sheepishly

"Oh, it's cool, Finn. Just wondering what the commotion was. Usually no one is brave enough to come in here besides me. What with the stench of "failure, glitter glue and teenage body odor" He said sarcastically gesturing wildly with finger quotes

"Coach Sylvester?" Finn asked with a knowing smirk

"Yeah." He confirmed with a laugh "So what's going on? Do you need something?"

"Yeah, I'm just looking for something but- but it's not like Glee related or anything, so you don't have to help. I'll keep the noise down though, sorry."

"Hey, you know it doesn't have to be glee related for me to want to help, what's up?"

He took a deep breath, not sure what he should tell his teacher. "Well, Rachel and I are kind of in a fight- I mean not really. Like she says she's not mad at me, but it's been really weird for a couple of days, like we're walking on egg shells or something, you know? She's not like ripping my head off- which is ….awesome. But she's not herself either. And I'm just- I'm trying to fix it."

"With smelly disco costumes and old wigs?"

"No, I'm looking for that booth from Valentine's Day last year. You know the one where I sold kisses to raise money for glee?" he explained further at his teacher's puzzled face

"Oh! Yeah, yeah I remember. Right before you got mono!" he added, happy with his correct answer

"Yeah." Finn deadpanned in return, not understanding what part of this warranted happiness

"Wait, I don't get it. If you and Rachel are together, why are you selling kisses again? Won't she get mad?"

Finn looked at him with squinted eyes… people thought he was dumb,

"Yes," he said, slowly nodding his head "She would be mad, Mr. Schue. I'm not selling kisses again; I need the booth so I can make up for the whole kissing thing last year. She's still upset about it, hence the weird half- fight were in." he explained, continuing to look through the prop closet

"Oh I see, kind of recreating the moment." He nodded in understanding, starting help Finn look

"Yeah, I guess. I haven't really planned the whole thing out, I kind of thought I'd start by finding it, which was phase 1, but clearly that's already not going well."

"Hey, wait." Mr. Schue said with a groan as he reached up high to grab a square piece of wood. He turned it so the letters were facing Finn with a bright smile

_**The kisser is **___

His eyes lit up in understanding. He reached up for the box the board had come out of and inside found all the various pieces that came together to make the booth

"Yes!" he cheered "Thanks, Mr. Shue!"

"No problem, buddy. So, I have to ask, if finding the booth was phase 1, what's phase 2?"

Finn's face quickly changed from delight to worry, as Mr. Schue's mention of phase 2 made him realize he didn't have much time to initiate the rest of his plan. He quickly began gathering all the items back into the box and stumbled over an old song book in his haste to get out of the stuffy closet.

He ran across the stage and jumped down, starting down the aisle towards the exit

"Hey! Finn! What's phase 2?" Mr. Schuester yelled after him from the stage

"Words!" Finn shouted back without turning around

"_What?"_ he whispered to himself in utter confusion, surely he had heard him wrong.

….

Finn hastily bounded into the classroom, startling the English teacher in the process.

"Mr. Hudson!" the older man cried in surprise

"Sorry- Mr.- Soderberg- just- one-second." He panted, out of breath from his run

He had thought about asking Mr. Schuester about this, his mom, Miss. Pillsbury, maybe even Kurt, but no one seemed right. He pictured talking to each of them and could pretty much imagine how each conversation would go;

"You know, I find that when I can't find the right words to express myself, music always does the job." Mr. Schuester would explain with earnest, a strong hand on his shoulder

"Sweetheart," His mother would say "Just say what is in your heart." With unshed tears in her eyes

"Well, maybe it would be best to just talk to Rachel about it. Surely she'll understand if you are honest with her." Miss Pillsbury would advise uncomfortably, handing him a pamphlet on his way out

"Finn, Rachel loves drama! You have to give her a show she'll never forget! Look we'll get you a great suit, and find you an amazing song, oh! Let me go get my _Wicked _songbooks!" Kurt would squeal, before taking over the entire endeavor

He had agonized over it in bed last night, unable to fall asleep and unable to successfully execute his plan without the right words to tell Rachel.

He thought about words and stories and the kind of love people always talked about in books and movies and found himself thinking of Mr. Soderberg.

His English teacher was one of the oldest at McKinley, he wasn't ancient or anything like that, but clearly had more experience than the others; in teaching and in the world in general. He didn't know for sure what the man had seen or done in his life, but he was one of those people who just radiated wisdom. Like he could give you an answer to anything you asked him. And Finn realized, with a pang of envy, he always, _always_ had the right words.

_ "In many ways, the stories we tell; the words we say, they are the most precious thing we have. They are our dreams, our creations, our most vulnerable fears, our most private thoughts. We can choose who to share them with, and we can influence. We can stimulate and provoke and inspire. Our words can do whatever we want them to."_

He had said on a random day early in the school year. And Finn had remembered listening intently and being deeply saddened to be able to count on just one of his hands, the times he had voiced the words that were truly in his heart.

"Mr. Soderberg." He finally started hesitantly "Look, I know we're not like- I don't know, close? And I know I'm not one of your best students, in fact I'm probably one of the worst…it's just- I have trouble with words sometimes, you know? And- I just-"

"Relax, Mr. Hudson. Take a seat, son. Just tell me what you need." He said kindly

"It's just- I'm in love with my girlfriend." He spit out quickly

The older man chuckled softly and removed his glasses "Well, that's nice Mr. Hudson."

"What I mean to say is that I love her more- more than I know how to say."

Mr. Soderberg glanced at him skeptically, until now Finn Hudson had only been the quiet athlete who sat as far back as possible in his Basic English class. He turned in graceless papers, which had all the indications of a student putting forth very little effort. He had no reason to believe that Finn was anything other than a well-liked jock that would never grow to reach his full potential.

But something in the boys' eyes made him curious to know more.

"Tell me, Mr. Hudson. What has gotten you riled up enough to come and see me, a man with whom you've always avoided eye contact with." He questioned, amused at the boys inability to relax under his gaze

"Well it's just- my whole life people have always expected the bare minimum from me. Like it was enough to not be great just cause, well, just because I was me. And I never really understood it, what it was about me that made it so ok for me to be ordinary. Maybe I never set the bar high enough, maybe I'm just too stupid to be able to exceed anyone's expectations for me, I don't know." He trailed off dejectedly

" But the point is I accepted it. I saw that no one expected more of me so I just went with it. I never tried harder than I had to, I never said what I was really thinking, I was just another jock idiot wasting away. Until, Rachel. She's the only person that's ever believed I could be better. "

"Mr. Soderberg, she is the best person I know and I love her with everything I have. She's like- like everything good. She is the opposite of ordinary."

Mr. Soderberg smiled at the clearly love struck boy, "Mr. Hudson, I'm afraid I just don't see the problem. This Rachel sounds like a wonderful girl, and you said she's your girlfriend?"

"She is, sir. She is my girlfriend. The problem is that I've done some stupid things- I do stupid things. And I'm trying to fix one of them but, I need help."

Finn took a deep breath as he tried to figure out the best way to quickly relay this very complicated story.

" See, last year we broke up and I went back to my ex- girlfriend which was just- so _so_ dumb. And it's all a really long story, but the point is, last year on Valentine's Day, I kissed this other girl and Rachel, she asked me what it felt like. And I just wasn't thinking, cause well- I had mono and stuff, but that's not the point. I told her that kissing this other girl made me see fireworks, and she asked me what it was like to kiss her and I just didn't know how to explain it. I mean at the time I didn't really want to explain it because, Rachel – she gets her hopes up so easily and I didn't want to tell her how I felt her about her and hurt her. And, well I need to tell her now; I need to show her how much she means, how I feel when I'm with her. And that's what I need help with." He said in one long breath

Mr. Soderberg shook his head at the teenager; this girl had really done a number on him he thought.

"You know, Finn. I once knew a boy just like you. His feelings were too big, too sudden and too tremendous for him to voice. Once he wrapped his hands around something real and terrifying, he found that he lacked the words to express his emotions."

"Yeah!" Finn had interrupted loudly, amazed at the man's ability to give a voice to his exact sentiments

"So…so what did he do, Mr. Soderberg? How did he fix it?"

"Well, he turned to those great masters who were able to say what he couldn't; poets and storytellers and playwrights who were able to voice the miraculous with simple arrangements of words that he hadn't known what to do with."

"And you can do the same."

…

Rachel walked with an extra spring in her step, taking in the red cupids and pink hearts scattered through the hallway walls. She smiled to herself in the way that only people who are in love on Valentine's day are able to.

She was ready to follow her fathers' advice, she was going to leave everything in the past and enjoy her day with the boy she loved.

As she moved further through the school, she began to notice the commotion growing in the hallway. Nothing crazy or terribly loud, but a little more crowded, a little more talkative, a little more anxious. She moved closer towards it and nearly fell over her feet in shock.

She could only see from a distance, as there were other students clouding her view but she saw with certainty, that stupid, stupid kissing booth, and her idiot boyfriend standing behind it. She gritted her teeth and her nostrils flared, she felt the rage rise within her and began storming towards him. But as she got closer, she almost lost her footing again, because as she approached him with fire in her eyes, she saw more closely the old kissing booth that had caused her so much pain.

She giggled as the sign above his head that used to read, "Kiss the Quarterback" now had dark black lettering that read "DON'T" in front of it.

And the placard that once revealed whether the kisser was 'In' or 'Out'', was flipped to IN. But now had a small new sign that proclaimed, "For Rachel Berry"

It was so cheesy and silly, but so terribly Finn and so utterly perfect.

She approached the booth coyly, wearing a sly grin and biting her lip slightly,

"So… I _shouldn't_ kiss the quarterback huh?" she said cheekily as she came face to face with him

She batted her eyelashes a little, expecting him to go along with her banter, but apparently Finn Hudson was full of surprises.

He looked at her for a moment and nodded his head slightly, as though he had made a final decision, 'Yep.' His nod said, 'I'm doing this.'

She lost her breath as she watched him remove the top part of the booth; the sign that now said, _"__**DON'T**__ Kiss The Quarterback" _and proceed to climb up to stand on top of the platform!

"Oh my god, Finn! What are you doing?" She screeched, the hall was still full of people and _Jesus_, if she thought he was tall before…

He stood high in a sea of teenagers who were now all staring at him, some snickered and pointed, whispered and balked, but everyone stood stark still, waiting to see what the quarterback had in store for them

He took a deep breath and began, _no turning back now_ he thought to himself:

_I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,  
>or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.<br>I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,  
>in secret, between the shadow and the soul.<em>

_I love you as the plant that never blooms  
>but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;<br>thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,  
>risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.<em>

_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.  
>I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;<br>so I love you because I know no other way_

_than this: where I does not exist, nor you,  
>so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,<br>so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep._

He recited in a soft and tentative voice, and he knew he had not read it perfectly, the pauses were probably all wrong and poetry was so totally not his thing but, she was crying and he's pretty sure that's a good thing.

"Rachel," he says, as he steps down from the booth and takes both her hands in his, "I know I'm not great with words, and I totally screwed up Valentine's Day last year, but I need you to know how much I love you. You are…everything good in my life. You show me what it means to be better."

He quickly wiped a tear from her cheek and for a moment, took in his surroundings, trying to ignore the mass of people hovering around them

"Last year you asked me if I felt fireworks when I kissed you and the truth is I don't."

She retreated from him the slightest bit, and he heard a couple of the female members of his audience wince audibly, but he labored on anyway,

"I don't feel fireworks when I kiss you because fireworks are just a thing- they're just an ordinary thing that everyone gets to see. They're just…sparks. Colorful, shiny, sparks that are fleeting. They're great on the outside, but then they go away and everyone forgets about them and goes back to eating hot dogs or whatever."

She laughed outright at this and he closed his eyes, _Damn!_ He thought, _so close!_

"The point is, when I kiss you, I feel _everything._ It's not just sparkly on the outside; it goes through my whole body until I can feel you everywhere. I can feel how much you love me and I know how much I love you and it just feels…._right._ Like I'm where I belong."

"Finn-" she started, but he quickly interrupted

"Almost done." He said with a smile " I want you to know that the only reason I was able to say these words…in front of our whole school." He added as he gestured around them "is because of you. Because you were brave enough to love me and you taught me how to be brave too. I love you, Rachel. Happy Valentine's Day."

She looked at him and opened her mouth to speak, but could not find the words. She looked around at all the people he had so willingly opened himself up in front of and shook her head in disbelief.

"I-" she started in a strained voice "I- don't think I've ever been speechless before…I don't know what to say!" she cried, laughing in earnest

"Well," he said mischievously, "In my experience, sometimes it's best to say nothing at all."

She still had yet to form a coherent thought when he captured her lips with his own. She put everything she had into the kiss, trying to convey without words just how much she loved him, how lucky she felt to have him, and how willing she was to leave everything in the past, as long as it meant she could have him in the present.

She could feel his heart thudding erratically against her own, as he stroked her tongue with his. His hands threaded deep in her hair, securing her in his grasp. She gripped his shirt tightly, and let out a whimper when she remembered their spectators, preventing her from throwing him on the ground and mounting him right there.

She finally tore her lips from his and let out ragged, overwhelmed breaths, while her forehead remained touching his.

"I love you." She finally whispered, feeling still as though her words were failing her

But he still looked at her like she was everything, because he had always had trouble with words, and he knew what it felt like to feel more than you can say, but better than that, he knew what it felt like to be loved by Rachel Berry.

"_As human beings we can always try to do better. To be better. To right a wrong. Even when it feels irreversible. Of course, I'm sorry doesn't always cut it. Maybe because we use it so many different ways. As a weapon. As an excuse. But, when we are really sorry, when we use it right. When we mean it. When our actions say what words never can. When we get it right "I'm sorry" is perfect. When we get it right, "I'm sorry" is redemption."_

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Phew! See? I told you it would be super fluffy, but still good I hope! Let me know what you think, if you write FF you know how reviews keep you writing more! And don't forget to comment with requests or ideas that you'd like to see!

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I got ideas on this chapter from many, many things, Seth on the coffee cart in The O.C sparked the idea of Finn standing on top of the kissing booth, the teacher/ mentor conversation was inspired by a similar situation in NyxUnderwood's story, The Unbearable Lightness of Being Chuck and Blair

The poem Finn recites is Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda And the final quote that I just thought fit so beautifully is from Grey's Anatomy 


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